I recently contracted poison ivy for the first time. I’m in agony and want to punch holes in walls but thought crafting a list would be more productive.
I’m not worried about usual life stresses because all I can think about are the flames engulfing my legs.
I supported the economy by purchasing Benadryl, Zanfel, Cortaid, and Aveeno Bath.
Panhandlers don’t bother girls with yellow shmoo oozing down their legs.
I got to hear my sister suggest that I pee on myself.
Mosquito bites won’t seem that bad anymore.
I have an excuse to drink whiskey and listen to Uncle Tupelo.
I can dress up like Poison Ivy for Halloween.
I’ll never have a pretty backyard because I’m never going to weed again.
I could have bought two new dresses with what I spent on remedies.
Sleep is not an option.
I have phantom rashes.
I can’t run because sweating will make me scream.
I won't be able to shave my legs for a year.
My soul itches.